Uncolored Reality

And I’m going to choose to be her again!

You probably didn’t know you have the power to choose whatever version of yourself you want to be right now. I’m almost certain I just worked it out, so don’t worry if you haven’t.

Standing in this mirror right now, and so many countless times trying to figure out where I’d gone. When all along I’ve been standing right in front of me. I believe I hid under the wrinkles, every piece of fluff I’ve accumulated over the years. The constant is for everyone else but me.

So, I decided to glare extra hard at the image before me. Past the hard parts. Through the screams and tears. I chose to stare at the one thing that didn’t change.

My eyes.

Even though everything around me and within me moves and grows, my eyes are still the same. Held with visions and fantasies that got lost within THIS version of myself.

Where is the me in the Mother & Wife?

Hearing mommy at every turn of my day and being needed as superwoman for the “lost keys” my husband can’t seem to find, or every “boo boo” that requires a band-aid, I seem to find myself wondering where is the time for me? Where is the me in all of this? Don’t get me wrong. I found my greatest passion in my family.

I didn’t cheat on you by finding myself!

If you are feeling selfish for making yourself happy, or that old, so troublesome mom guilt that tries to consume you.

Remember, without you creating your own story to show them, they will never know how to create their own.

When things get hard and life becomes fierce, they will remember that mommy did it even when it was painful. Mommy never lost who she was, and if she did, she ran as fast as she could until she found herself again.

I realize I’m not cheating on my family if I decide they don’t have to be my only passions. I can have many. The things I dreamed of are now possible for me.

I can have a new form, being of myself if I don’t like this one. My happiness is WITHIN my CONTROL.

What is life if we never take time to live it?

Life is too big with so many options for me to just waste it. This world wanted you in it, but it also needed me, too. There has to be a purpose for every person here.

The problem is that most get so consumed in the struggles and routines that never seem to end. In it, they never get to search for more, and before you know it, it’s all gone, only leaving them with regrets and resentments.

Or worse, resting and rotting without ever quite feeling alive to begin with. Isn’t that more selfish?

To be given a life with so many possibilities to let it go to waste, as if you didn’t appreciate it? I guess it’s up to you if the life you are currently living is what you want to see when you look in the mirror.

I refuse to live unfulfilled any longer. From now on, when I look at myself, I want to feel everything I always wanted being fought for.

No matter if it’s the original body I desperately miss, I will walk a new path every day until I see changes underneath. Or, I’ve always wanted to be an actress, so let’s begin a YouTube channel and stay consistent. Let’s get your face on a screen somewhere because starting is the toughest part.

The YOU(old me)then!

And the ME(new me)now!

Once had dreams so far out of reach, but I can start grasping for them to be my reality. It may look a little different, but that’s all about perception, and I don’t mind changing the narrative a bit if it means I’m the side character who got my happy ending by choosing me too.

Until Next Time, Readers. Just A Snippet Of My Heart. XOXO

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